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A bereaved mother’s lovely account of midwives

Clair is married to Huw her rock (together 27 years) and she is a mum to 4 boys… Aiden, baby no 2 was stillborn at 39 weeks in 2005.

“So… #babyloss. As promised, here is the start of my awareness posts this week… I usually go all out with statistics and real stories and how to help people when a baby dies, etc… This year is going to be different! This year isn’t going to be so much about the grief and trauma and sadness that stays with you forever. This year is going to be about the positive things I’ve discovered in the world since going through a parents worst nightmare…

Now I’m not totally losing the plot here, well not today! And by no means am I saying that dreadful phrase “Everything happens for a reason.” I guess I’m just reflecting and feeling greatful…

So onto my point…

When your baby dies, your world literally falls apart. Hopes, dreams, plans, all come crashing down and absolutely nothing feels real! You don’t know what you want, what you think, what’s best, what’s the right thing to do, to feel, to say. There’s nothing except numbness and shear hope and prayers (if you’re that way inclined) that someone was wrong or it’s all a dream…

Yet you have choices to make… Really bloody important ones! Go home and wait for labour or have an induction… Pain relief or not… Post mortem or not…. Blood tests? Cremation or burial… Which funeral home? Blessing for the baby or not… name? How do u want the baby delivered?… Do u want to see him? How long will we stay? How the hell do we tell parents, friends, family and our 5 year old? How on earth do we start to make these choices when all you really want is your baby to start wriggling again?

Well this is how… I was very lucky and had an amazing team of midwives to help us through… They were caring, considerate, sensitive, patient and understanding…

From finding out our baby had died right the way through to saying goodbye, they were brilliant… I genuinely couldn’t have asked for better support and let’s be fair this isn’t why these women do this job!

They really want the joy of saying congratulations and helping women through the miracle of childbirth.. None of them come to work anticipating having to deliver such an unhappy outcome. This also isn’t the only baby they’re delivering during their shift. So going from us to a live birth to a complicated delivery to emergencies and back to us must be such an emotional and physical drain. You would never know what faces these superwomen outside of your room and all with long hours and no time to even wee/eat/drink in a 12 hour shift.

So today, I’m grateful beyond words for those women who train as midwives and help mums like me through the worst times as well as the best times and give their all to support us and our partners by asking the difficult questions.. helping us make a decision we won’t regret, taking the footprints and handprints, photographs and measurements, holding our hands, giving hugs and even crying with us.

I’m super grateful for awesome strong midwives who battle through all the difficulties in their shift and still find the strength to come back and do it all again tomorrow with a smile on their faces. xx


#RCM #midwifery #midwife #remembermybaby #remembrance #babyloss #stillbirth #BLAW #makingadifference #workingtogether

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